Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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