The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize