I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
