He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
