I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
