This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
