She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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