hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
