I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
