I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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