I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
