morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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