walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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