brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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