I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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