dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
