I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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