Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize