life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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