I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
