my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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