That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
