if only i could text you this smell
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
