dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
