And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
