also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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