grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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