omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
