If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
