you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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