Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
