The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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