Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Green mimosas i think yes
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
