the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My vagina is officially offended.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
