My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize