I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize