Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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