he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize