that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
