wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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