I didn't shave. On purpose
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
