If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
