I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Define "chronic" masturbator.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
God, I missed his penis.
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