WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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