Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
