I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
