Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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