i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
