I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
