I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
