Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there is glitter all over my balls
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