I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
