Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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