He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
