my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
