Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize