my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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