I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
