Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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