just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
