I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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