I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
