Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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