you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
