i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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