she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
