were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
