I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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