i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
