Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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