Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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